I am looking at myself and i can see a woman whose nothing and no one can surprise her anymore. When everybody's got so excited about a thing, im not even sharing the crowd to let myself what it is. Sometimes I am wondering is it because I know what to expect already or am i just an insensitive woman that's all?
It worries me a lot. Big time. Coz i think is this the reason why i am always having a second thought on all of my relationships? i knew deep in my heart that i never loved any one of them. Bin maybe the closest to my heart...almost close to it but still, he's just outside the door. Never had the chance to come in yet...hahahaha
But will i ever loved someone one day? Some day? Or am i just going to fulfill myself of my plan someday that i am just going to find a babymaker to give myself a baby? I was the one who started it but i really dont like the idea. I still wanna be loved but i dont know how to love back?
Bad, huh? Yeah i know. its bad. its being selfish. you want somebody to love you but you dont know how to give back that love. But in the back of my head, given the chance to have someone to love me, i can be a really passionate woman. WIth all those years that ive been alone, lahat na yata ng naipong caring and loving parte ko e naipon na and that lucky guy who would have me would have all that.
Pero even love doesnt surprise me anymore. That's a problem. Im afraid that i wont laugh back if the man that im with laughs. I wont even talk to him after he talked. I wont even share his happiness when he's very happy. So im better off alone? Very sad.
I wish, that somebody can turn this character of mine 360 degrees and i would greatly appreciate it. Sighs
