Why?

Have you ever want something or someone badly and just can't have it?

And the more you want it... The more you can't have it? And still wants it???

My Reflections

"There's always pain and disappointment when falling in love but continue sharing your love. because the more you love, the more you'll get to know yourself. Because, again, every person you love becomes your reflection."

To date, I had three relationships. I did not used the word failed with it but just "ended". For me, what I always tell somebody how did you cope up with it is "just think how good it was and not how long it was." I always look at the brighter side it brought to me instead of the depression.

My first, he was soooo much older than me. Well, at least what -- 7-8 years? I can no longer remember. But what's good about this guy is that he had the passion. When he said, i want to do this, he'll be doing it. And he said, don't rely on others to do it for you. Always start with yourself and seek help if only you need to. As I grew up, I learned to be independent.I am doing things on my own, solving things on my own [as long as I can], discovering things on my own. But I am no selfish. I just learned from him that as long as you can do it, do it first. If all else fails, it's time you seek help. But then, has to go to a different country and I am not yet ready to get married so we broke up.

The second one, he is always so understanding. He told me that its not good to heat things up more. When we are fighting, he always says, let's just talk about this some other time. Not now that you are so furious and angry. And we really talk about it and it always ended good. After that, one of my colleague says, you can always treat a worst situation with calmness. How do you that? Well...

Now, the third one, he always said I hate money! Yeah he hates money but he has a lot of money. He told me, I work not for money but I work because that's what I like to do. he doesn't want wasting money. It just usually went straight to the bank and his business and once in a year to his hobby -- going to different places away from his own country. i still have to learn how to hate money like him you know but then one thing I really like about him is that it's true money can make you happy. You can use it to find your true passion in your life. One day, after receiving my 13th month pay, I enrolled in a graphics designing class which I have been longing to do and just months ago, I went to this place which we called Sagada and it feels heaven!!!

All of these may have cause me pain but never mind the pain. It's part of our life. just think of happy thoughts just like Peter Pan. :)

What a Wonderful[?] World

I used to say when I was a kid -- "someday, I'll be free to do all the things I want, buy all the things I desire, go to allthe places I really would love to go to without any restrictions!" This, I said, when my mom told me you cannot go out and play because you're sick. I had meningitis before and my childhood life is not just like any other kids..

So, what happened is, I prayed hard for the earth to roll faster so I could grow and be old enough to experience what I wished. But as I grew up, I am starting to get disappointed of the world once I thought as wonderful. I realized that it's sometimes not okay to do all the things you want because some of them are not just the right thing to do, you can't just buy all the things you want because it would mean spending all of your hard earned money and you cannot just go to any places you want because again, it would require a lot of money again and it would mean asking for a vacation leave to your office.

I find myself sometimes complaining why am I stuck with this fr***g job and I still stay with it? Why it is easy to spend than to earn money? Why is it more relaxing to go out of town than to just stay in my place and do something productive? Why is it easier to eat than to go on a diet? Why is it easier to mess things up than cleaning it up later on?

My list of complains could go on forever, I had to admit. I so realized it's very endless. But then, I thought of thinking the "otherwise" of things. This day, I made my journey to the hospital and had my ear checked because it's too itchy and when i clean it, it has some blood on it already. It's nothing serious according to the doctor.

After this, my dial-up pc always has a way of not sending my graphics designing application to these wonderful company so I went to this famous computer shop using dsl and it was sent. All I had to do now is to just sit, relax and wait for the calls of the company that would stop me one day from complaining why am I still in my current job?

I also did not take my dinner. I am already feeling full so why go on dinner if I don't feel like eating just because it is ethical to have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and then dinner in one day.

What i just said in the end, I can still have my wonderful world. I just have to do some reality check.

Finding Mr. Right by Big "O"

While waiting for my turn in the hospital, I decided to buy a National Geographic magazine and it tackles all about love. One thing that catches my attention is this: "A woman unconsciously uses orgasms as a way of deciding whether or not a man is good for her. If his impatient and rough and she doesn't have the orgasm, she may instinctly feel he's less likely to be a good husband and a father. Scientists think the fickle female orgasms may have evolved to help woman distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong." [excerpt from National Geographic Feb. 2006 edition]

My friend usually said that you won't know you're really compatible until you have sex with your boyfriend. As she said,sex is very important in a married life so if you're not compatible in that stage even before when you were still not married,where do you think your marriage will go in the end? Alright, she's an advocate of PMS and I am not. But in my head, all of these women who said this, how many men had they sex with? Even if the two of you are good with it why most of them break up in the end? why do they keep on hopping from one relationship to another and doing PMS? Again, maybe, I'm sorry, I'm not really an advocate of PMS and this is just my POV. No need for violent reaction. I respect other's opinions.

Just because one man is giving you the satisfaction he will already be a good husband and a father? For once, I had this huge, big crush with a hollywood actor. He looks mature, loving and I really think he will be a good father [and very hot, too!]. And so he got married. But then, he was televised beating his wife and shouting at his kid on the phone swearing.You may think I'm a bit shallow but can't we just start with emotional first before the big O in finding Mr. Right?

I think like a kid most of the times. Because kids has an easier way of explaining things that bothers them. Lemme think like a child on this topic, For me, if you already find Mr. Right [but not using the way to find him by having an "O"] and the only thing that's preventing you from saying "it's a very wonderful relationship" is that you're not good at "that", then just talk it out. Things like "I like it when we... but i would like it best [with winking] if we do it this way [showing something with winking again]. How about that?" [with winking again]!

Again, my disclaimer, this is just my POV. [with winking]

Ha Ha Happy Together

We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh - Agnes Repplier

Chemistry is one of the ingredient in a succesful relationship, as one of the few persons I respect the most said. He/She doesn't need to be a joker but at least the two of you have some heartful of laugh at times shared when the two of you are together.

For all the singles [and newly singles like me :) ] I hope you can find someone whom you can share your laughter with this new year. Not just someone as in plain someone. I meant someone special. :)

Happy new year!!!